The FrumplingtonsThe Frumplingtons

New half million pound toilets planned for Lincoln Cathedral

By The Frumplingtons  |  Mon 13th Nov 2006 at 9.31pm

Category: General, News

Some people have all the luck, I thought, when I came across a recent story about Lincoln Cathedral: a generous donor recently left a 22-carat Edward VII gold sovereign on the church collection plate, and the coin is now set to be auctioned to raise money for the Cathedral. [source: BBC News — Rare coin put on collection plate.]

Well that’s sure to raise thousands of pounds, I thought.

But no…

Apparently it’s worth a measly twenty-five to fifty quid.

And bearing Lincoln Cathedral’s latest spending plans in mind, that ain’t gonna go very far.

Construction work has begun at Lincoln Cathedral in a £600,000 project to provide brand new toilets.

The project is set to cost £600,000, although £50,000 remains to be raised.

source: Lincoln Chronicle — New toilets for the Cathedral

Half a million smackers? That sounds like some serious plumbing, if you ask me. I did have a brief vision of the cathedral lavatorials having gold taps fitted throughout. But apparently the cost is high due to what Carol Heidschuster, the Works Manager, calls “the difficulty of working within the confines of the historic environment of the Cathedral”.

Still, the Church of England as a whole is a lot different to how it used to be. Or, some might say, how it ought to be. Six hundred grand for a new set of pooperies would no doubt have paid for an awful lot of outings for the Needy Orphans back in Victorian times.

Chris

ITV. Is there life after Afterlife?

By Chris  |  Sun 12th Nov 2006 at 3.14pm

Category: General, Television

It was never going to be a happy-ever-after ending. Last night saw the final part of ITV’s supernatural drama series, afterlife. For those who have somehow managed to miss it, the series centred around the fraught relationship between college lecturer and arch-sceptic Robert Bridge, and troubled medium Alison Mundy. Robert was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumour early in series 2 and was seen collapsing at the end of the penultimate programme of the series. In last night’s episode Robert briefly regained consciousness in hospital, and all the loose ends of the series were tidied up. Most of this typically eerie episode was about a mysterious night nurse from the spirit world , whom only Alison was able to see. The role of the nurse (played by Irish actress Aislinn Sands) was to help the dead to pass peacefully to the afterlife. Despite some desperate pleading by Alison, there was nothing that could be done to prevent Robert’s death. Alison finally watched Robert pass through a doorway at the end of a long corridor, where he was joined by his young son, Josh, who had been tragically killed in an accident prior to Robert’s first meeting Alison in series 1.

As supernatural dramas go, it is going to be pretty well impossible to improve on afterlife. It was always realistic, hard-hitting, never sugary or sentimental. At times you could argue that it was a touch bleak, but even that would be a compliment. There is no doubt in my mind that this is far and away one of the best things that ITV has ever made. The word ‘classic’ is frequently overused, but afterlife is fully deserving of the word.

All credit to writers Stephen Volk, Mark Greig and Charlie Fletcher; Lesley Sharp as Alison, and Andrew Lincoln as Robert; and everyone who either appeared in or contributed in some way towards the making of the series. Speaking as a mere dilettante musician myself, I feel that particular mention should also go to a certain Edmund Butt, who composed the original music for the series. I am going to pop down to my local blacksmith’s shop and have him knock up a special award ‘For Services to Minor Chords’; people too often overlook the importance of music in creating atmosphere, and even a programme as good as afterlife would have been very different without Mr Butt’s input.

But the big question for us is not What will the afterlife be like? but What will we watch on Saturday nights now that afterlife is finished? Weekend viewing is never going to be the same again.

Johnny Kingdom, flowerpot man

By The Frumplingtons  |  Sat 11th Nov 2006 at 3.13pm

Category: Television

Funniest sight on tv this week? Well, we think that had to be the wonderful larger-than-life character, Johnny Kingdom. What he doesn’t know about wildlife probably isn’t worth knowing, and he has such a wealth of stories about life on Exmoor that his programme, Johnny Kingdom — A Year On Exmoor (currently showing on BBC2 on Friday evenings) is one of the highlights of our week’s viewing.

Last night Johnny was determined to get some good footage of a small group of spoonbills, but the birds were too far away for him to film. There followed some hilarious scenes of him constructing what he described as a ‘floating hide’, which he used in order to conceal himself whilst he approached the birds across a patch of swampland, with the tide rising all the time he was filming.

What really made us laugh was seeing Johnny wriggling into a rather fetching pair of chest-high camouflage waders, assisted by a much-amused Mrs Kingdom, who declared, “You look like one of the Flowerpot Men!”

You just had to see it to believe it.

Apparently, there is also a Christmas special in the pipeline, called Johnny Goes to Lapland, featuring Johnny Kingdom in search of reindeer. Now, we love that hat he wears with all the feathers on, and we are wondering if he’s going to add a pair of antlers to it. Suppose we’ll just have to watch and find out, won’t we?

Chris

The cybersheep are taking over the farmyard

By The Frumplingtons  |  Thu 9th Nov 2006 at 6.55pm

Category: Funnies

We are enjoying Torchwood a lot. (By the way, for those with slower Internet connections — like ours! — there is also a non-Flash Torchwood page.) We like the strong cast and the witty well-written dialogue. You have to wonder what kind of impact Torchwood is likely to have on Welsh tourism though. I suppose it could go either way, although I imagine a Torchwood Trail, if some enterprising Welsh person were to create one, would probably be a huge success.

Sometimes though, you can take a tv series a bit too seriously. After all, Torchwood is only supposed to be a bit of sci-fi fun, ain’t it? But look what we’ve been and gone and done:

Cybersheep. One day they will rule the world.

It’s at times like these that we are grateful to have a sheep rather than a more conventional kind of domestic pet. I mean, have you ever tried to put a hat or a funny pair of glasses on a dog? They just won’t keep them on for more than five seconds, will they? Certainly not long enough to set them up for a decent photo.

And yet here, as you see, is Mint Sauce all decked out as our very own Cybersheep, and he seems perfectly happy, doesn’t he? As with the unfortunate character in last night’s Torchwood episode, the conversion is only half complete. But Mint Sauce already has more than a hint of menace about him. One day every sheep will be like this, and then they will take over the farmyard…

Chris

Easy peasy

By The Frumplingtons  |  Wed 8th Nov 2006 at 6.59pm

Category: Funnies

The peas.

Meet ‘The Peas’. They come complete with their own furry green pod, so no doubt they will all need putting to bed and tucking in zipping up at night. Shana keeps saying, “I wanted an iPod and look what I got: a pea pod!” Well, she’s only got herself to blame; she’s the one who bought them (on a well-known Internet auction site).

We haven’t settled on names yet but Peter, Peewee, Peabo (as in Peabo Bryson — whoever he plays for!) and — ahem! — Shelley, are the current favourites. (Do you know, I can’t quite believe I’m writing this, and if you’re reading it, I bet you can’t either…)

Now, I know they are all sweet, fluffy little things, but don’t go getting all sentimental about them. We don’t want our readers going all mushy over them.

By the way, does this count as our first ever podcast?

No, I thought it didn’t.

Chris

Hawkwood. Diabolical Englishman. Brilliant book.

By Chris  |  Tue 7th Nov 2006 at 8.56pm

Category: General, Books

Mid term elections are underway in the USA, but if you thought modern-day politics could get a trifle heated from time to time, you should try the fourteenth-century Italian equivalent: as Frances Stonor Saunders explains in Hawkwood, that had a tendency to verge on the positively nasty.

Top players on the Italian scene back then were the Visconti family up in the north of the country; and the Pope in Rome and the Papal States. The fact that the papacy — and its vast accumulated wealth — spent most of the fourteenth century holed up in Avignon certainly didn’t stop the Popes of the time from meddling in Italian affairs; on the contrary, they were among the most active combatants of the time.

Around 1360, in the early days of the Hundred Years War, England and France declared a truce. Instead of returning to England though, large numbers of now unemployed soldiers were left to wander around France, causing mayhem wherever they went. (Saunders suggests that this may have been a deliberate tactic on the part of the English king, Edward III, to ’soften up’ the French, hoping that they would make concessions in return for Edward calling off his troops. And who am I to argue?)

Essex boy, John Hawkwood, was already in command of a whole company of troops, and his men were no different from any other soldiers of the time. Forget all those old ideas of mediaeval chivalry and damsels in distress; freelance soldiering was all about extorting ransom money from individuals or entire towns. If a ransom was paid, then the person or town in question might be spared further harrassment (although this was by no means guaranteed).

But the wily old Pope, who was himself under pressure from Hawkwood’s troops, saw a chance to kill two birds with one stone. How? By persuading Hawkwood to take his men to Italy and bother the Viscontis instead. Hawkwood would therefore be working for the Pope. (Mediaeval religion was quite a bit different then from how it is today; clearly, things were a lot more action-packed back then.)

Both the Pope and the Viscontis had reason to employ mercenary, John Hawkwood, at various times. It was while he was in the pay of the Pope that Hawkwood became embroiled in one of the worst massacres of the Middle Ages, at Cesena. Whether this was carried out on the direct orders of the Pope is still a matter for speculation.

While reading this book, I lost count of the number of times Hawkwood changed sides. If the Pope was a bit tardy with the payments Hawkwood would simply transfer his allegiances to the Viscontis. And vice versa. (And if he and his men were at a loose end, they were not averse to doing a bit of pillaging and laying waste to the countryside to wile away the hours.)

Hawkwood isn’t just about one man though. It brings the whole of the latter half of the fourteenth century to life in ways that you never dreamed possible. All sorts of other people are woven into the narrative, from Chaucer (yes, the Chaucer) who based some of the characters in his Canterbury Tales on real people of the time, possibly even including John Hawkwood himself; and the frankly oddball Catherine of Siena, who later went on to become a saint.

As for what happens to Hawkwood in the end, well, you’ll have to read the book for yourself to find out. But it’s a good read, and no mistake.

In conclusion, there was a time, not so long ago either, when, if you had given me a copy of Hawkwood and said, “Here’s a book about fourteenth century Italian history,” I would have laughed derisively at you, mumbled my thanks and promptly filed it under ‘miscellaneous’ (meaning: “What a dull subject. This can go straight to the bottom of my personal slush pile.“). Frances Stonor Saunders’ Hawkwood has opened my eyes to a whole new world.

Don’t tell ‘em, Pike!

By The Frumplingtons  |  Sat 4th Nov 2006 at 10.38am

Category: General, News

If you thought Lincolnshire was nothing more than flat, featureless fens, then you were wrong. Buddy, we have got some of this country’s most dangerous wildlife. OK, we might not have alligators like they do in Florida, but you wouldn’t wanna mess with our ducks, that’s for sure!

A pike washed up dead at a Lincolnshire nature reserve choked to death on a duck, according to the local wildlife trust.

Staff at the Lincolnshire Wildlife Trust found the fish, which they claimed measured four feet long at a gravel pit.

On examining it, they found a tufted duck stuck in its throat and assume this is what brought about its demise.

source: PAC News — ‘For all the latest news from the world of pike fishing’.)

Practical Fishkeeping have got all the photos. Too scary for Frumplingtons readers. You have been warned.

Chris

I shall have a fishy on a little dishy

By The Frumplingtons  |  Fri 3rd Nov 2006 at 12.15am

Category: News

Alarming news today for anyone who likes to tuck into a nice bit of crispy cod crumb or smoked salmon butties: we’re all doomed; world fish stocks are set to run out by around the year 2048. After that, there’ll be no point cutting a hole in the ice, ‘cos there won’t be anything left to catch. What the hell’s the cat gonna eat then?

Fortunately, I have a plan — and a half-completed grocery order at my favourite online supermarket. Shouldn’t take more than a minute to make a few changes…

(Delete ‘2 tins smoked mackerel fillets in sunflower oil…add five…hundred…tins smkd mack fill…plus same qty kippers…’)

There! Done!

That’s my supper (and supplies of Omega-3) sorted out for the next ten years. The rest of you will just have to look after yourselves…

Chris

Dragon Cross Stitch

By The Frumplingtons  |  Wed 1st Nov 2006 at 7.37pm

Category: Creative

dragon cross stitchThis is the first major cross-stitch project I’ve done in years. The kit is by Heritage Stitchcraft, and was purchased from Johnson Crafts.

I ran out of thread and emailed Heritage Crafts directly, they very kindly sent me some more thread. It’s nice to now there are still some good people in the world :)

My first attempt to do the framing myself, by cutting out the mount etc., ended disastrously. But the place I got the supplies from do offer all the necessary tools, I’m just too much of a tight-wad to buy equipment at the moment! The company is called FrameCo Picture Framing Supplies their service is excellent and delivery was prompt. It was just my useless attempts at cutting the mount that was the problem!

I then decided to source a new frame, complete with mount. And I found a good one, Moonshine Framing in Cornwall. The frame, mount, backing and fittings was sent promptly, safely packaged and not too expensive.

So that is the saga of Archibald the Dragon, or Sir Archibald as he prefers to be referred to!

And my next cross stitch project is already underway…

Shana

Image makeover for Frumplingtons sheep.

By The Frumplingtons  |  Wed 1st Nov 2006 at 6.11pm

Category: General

Things are a tad fraught here at Frumplingtons Farm at the moment. Shana and I are having a minor disagreement, and it all concerns our ovine friend, Mint Sauce (he of the curly hairdo, the quizzical look and, so his detractors would say, the sickeningly cutesy expression) whose picture is included up there on our blog header image).

The thing is, I think ‘Mint Sauce’ is a name that is really more fitting for a little lamb. And it is about time that our own little lamb was given a more grown-up name.

And so we have decided (or to be more correct, I have decided, unilaterally) that Mint Sauce shall be henceforth known as Uriah. Or, on formal occasions, ‘Uriah Sheep’.

Shana is not keen on the idea.

Maybe now is not the best time for me to share my thoughts about renaming Frumplingtons Farm; ‘La Ferme‘ has a pleasing ring to it. We could plant a few rows of vines and start producing bottles of Chateau Frumplingtons as well.

Perhaps it’s all a bit too exotic for our part of Lincolnshire though.

Chris