The Frumplingtons

We were in a queue at one of Lincoln’s discount hairspray emporiums this morning when suddenly in walked what appeared to be a 7-foot tall giant of a man. He approached the other till, which had just opened, and said, pointing at the shelf behind the checkout desk, “Can I have a Dulcie and Gabanner, please?”

I was horrified. I felt like grabbing him by the lapels (except I would have been a tad too short to reach; and besides, he might have hit me for my impertinence) and remonstrating with him: “It’s not pronounced ‘Dulcie’, you oik!” Even though I know hardly a word of Spanish (!) I know it’s meant to be pronounced ‘Doll-chay’. One should roll those consonants around in the mouth, like an expensive wine; not slurp them like a cup of Kwik Brew. To be honest, when I first heard him, I thought the man was referring to the actress, playwright and author, Dulcie Gray. (No, I’ve never seen any of her films either, but that’s beside the point.)

And I’m sure Gabbana isn’t supposed to sound quite so similar to ’spanner’ either.

By this time, however, the shop assistant had found the Dolce and Gabbana perfume that Mr Giant had asked for. “That’ll be £18.99, please,” she said. I forgot all about tall men’s lapels at that point; I was too busy choking and spluttering at the thought of what we could have got for a mere 19 quid.

Well, it’s the thought that counts, I guess. And I’m sure D and G’s smellies are worth every penny. But it’s not really our kind of thing. You can’t beat the great smell of Raid, that’s what I always say.

Half an hour later, we were back at home with a luxury purchase of our own. Visitors to Frump Central shortly before lunchtime would have seen our little faces lighted up with glee, and me all covered in washing up liquid drips. And why? Well, we had bought a twin pack of bubbles from Boyes, the haberdaberdashery shop. And we were busy blowing them all round the living room, just like a pair of demented 5-year-olds.

Are we daft, or are we daft?

Not sure about that, but we know how to have fun, that’s for certain.

Chris