The Frumplingtons

It all started weeks ago in mid-January if I remember correctly: people were marvelling at how the daffodils were out earlier than usual; or saying that it was unseasonably warm for the time of year. All the fault of climate change and that globular warming phenomenon, of course. Before you know where you are with it all, Odd Billie and humble Kate will be reappearing with blue tits and double entendres galore in BBC Springwatch.

So you can imagine how utterly confused we were, having already packed our scarves and thermals away for the year, when we happened to catch the last five minutes of Aussie soap Neighbours earlier this evening:

It’s Christmas time in Ramsay Street!

It’s quite a long time (more than ten years, in fact) since I last actually watched Neighbours. By the look of it, most of the characters are the same; that Paul Robinson doesn’t look a day older, does he? The plots probably haven’t changed much either. And even in the 1990s they were celebrating Crimbo at some peculiar times: the middle of July, for instance.

That’s the problem with buying foreign soap operas though. Scheduling can be a bit awkward. I’m sure it must have been co-ordinated properly when it was first aired, but it was almost inevitable that Neighbours would drift out of synch after a while.

However, I have come up with a theory as to where it might be heading.

My idea was inspired by a book I was reading a while ago, about the mysteries of archaeoastronomy. There was some wild speculation in this book, concerning the Egyptian pyramids and ancient civilizations; oh yes, Stonehenge and aliens also made an appearance — quite possibly in the same sentence!

But you can discount the more fanciful aspects of all that von Däniken-type garbage. What really matters here is the hard science. And in particular, something called the precession of the equinoxes.

So what does all this have to do with Christmas in an episode of Neighbours?, I hear you ask.

Well, my theory is that, although Neighbours began life correctly lined up with the months and the seasons and has, since then, become misaligned, it will eventually come back round to being properly co-ordinated once again.

The precession of the equinoxes calculates that, for stars and constellations, this takes just under 26,000 years. I believe a similar process will apply to Neighbours. I look forward to the day when the good burghers of Ramsay Street can once again celebrate Christmas on December 25th, just like the rest of us.

But when will that day actually occur…

And who’s gonna do the math?

Help me out here, someone.

Chris