The Frumplingtons

Just coming downstairs this afternoon, the light coming through the upstairs landing window was casting pretty patterns on the stairs. I called to Shana that it might be worth taking a picture. Shana, however, looking up the stairs rather than down, saw something quite different. Five minutes either way and we’d have completely missed what seems to be an angel making its way quietly upstairs. You can clearly see the curve of the wing there on the wall.

The last time our stairs were featured on this blog, they were groaning under the weight of hundreds of books. A dab of paint and a few horse brasses and you’d hardly recognise the place.

Now, I wonder where that angel was off to…

Beeeeeeep!, went the microwave oven.

Shana yawned. “Oh no, not beep again. How boring. It’d make mealtimes much more interesting if someone invented ringtones specifically for microwaves,” she said. “But what tunes would we choose?”

“I know,” I said, knowingly. “That one by those Fast Food Rockers that goes something like: ‘McChicken, McChicken/Fenkucky Tried Donalds and a Hizza Put‘.” [Note: no-one will ever know how much effort I went to, to avoid giving any fast food chains a free mention in this post. I just couldn’t face having to invoice them all for ‘advertising services rendered’.]

So anyway, what microwave ringtones would we choose if they were available?

Well, we could, I suppose, go for a touch of irony, and send up the whole ringtones phenomenon by opting for our microwave to play that old cellphone classic, Grand Valse to let us know when our meat pies are done to a turn.

Other people could choose microwave oven ringtones that are appropriate to their own lifestyles, musical tastes, or cooking abilities:

An incompetent cook might, for example, probably be best advised to choose the Smiths’ Panic or The Bee Gees’ Tragedy.

And up until recently, I myself could have chosen Toast, that all-time favourite by Paul Young’s former group, Streetband. It is, after all, the only meal in which I am confident that I excel.

And besides, I don’t think there’s a song called ‘Blackened Pasty‘ yet, is there?

This is Cawley the crow. He’s one of those Ty beanies. Sweet, isn’t he? Notice how Mint Sauce, under the pretext of introducing Cawley to you, is trying to muscle in and hog the limelight. What a prima donna!

Cawley came to us in late June, all the way from Sheffield at around the time the city was flooded in this year’s incessant summer rains.

See those denims? He’s a bit of a rocker, our Cawley. Favourite band: Status Crow. Yeah, I know, it’s corny, isn’t it? And besides, they’re not even proper denims: they’re dungarees.

Ah, whatever…

Cawley doesn’t care for boy bands: he prefers bird bands and singers. Here’s a few examples:

• Mott the Hoopoe.
• Kaiser Choughs.
• Sophie Ellis Beakstor.
• Sly and the Family Stonechat.
• And legendary blues guitarist, Gary Moorhen.

And he’s also a big fan of that old Number 1 single by Phil Collins and Philip Bailey. You know the one. It goes: “She’s an easy plover….”

Any more ornithologically inspired suggestions for music Cawley might like? Leave ‘em in the comments section.

Just heard Nirvana’s song, Smells Like Teen Spirit on the radio, and it inspired me to start what will be an occasional series of posts (i.e., I’ll probably forget to do any more after this one, so enjoy the ’series’ while it lasts) entitled ‘Record reviews my Mum might have written‘.

Bless her, she doesn’t understand all that modern music.

Catchy title though, ain’t it?

Anyway, here goes:

First the good news: this week we have at last had a proper digital telly aerial fitted, so we now have all the digitals channels available to us. This means we need struggle no more with our trusty little indoor antenna (Wilko’s, £4.99 inc VAT). Or, to be more precise, there is no need for Shana to stand on one leg on an old Windsor chair behind the television set holding the indoor ‘twig’ at arm’s length in order to ensure crystal clear reception, while I lounge on the sofa watching the telly in relative comfort and summarise the goings-on in this week’s episode of House or CSI so Shana can keep up to speed with the plot.

And now the bad news: the first thing we actually saw when we went digital was a programme on the shopping channel, QVC . What were they trying to sell yesterday? Santa’s Toyland, that’s what! The entire studio was filled with Christmas trees and festive paraphernalia.

Erm…it’s still pigging July for goodness’ sake!

No need to ask what I think about it really, is there?

All I want to know is, Will the world’s constant obsession with Christmas ever end?

Mint Sauce is looking a bit dapper today, isn’t he? In case you’re a Frumplingtons first-timer, Mint Sauce, or ‘Minty’, is our mascot. There he is on the header, lolling in his favourite armchair. And here he is, as you see, all tarted up in his best pink bow.

What a dandy!

But there’s a good reason for the smart new look…

You see, Minty has been invited out.

No, he hasn’t been chatting up the ewes. He’s found a new pal at a blog called Life With Rabbit. And Rabbit has asked him round for drinks.

Well, all I can say, Rabbit, if you’re reading this, is that Minty can be a bit prissy sometimes. Likes to give the impression he can handle his liquor. But he’s really much happier if you give him one of those drinks that has a little umbrella in it.

Maybe a slice of lemon on the side of the glass.

And for goodness’ sake, don’t give him anything too gassy!

It’s taken a while to start gathering everything needed for our Indoor Garden. As you can see from the picture, we have a few plants and some soil. We didn’t really appreciate just how much soil we’d need, so we’re waiting for some more to be delivered.

As the tray has no drainage, we put a layer of polystyrene packing ‘peanuts’ at the bottom with some perlite. Then we put a layer of mesh, it was meant to be a fly screen, but it was ideal for the job. On top of that a layer of pea shingle.

The first couple of layers of soil have been mixed with perlite. When we get some more soil it will be added without perlite to give a better effect.

The plants we have so far are:

Helxine - Mind Your Own Business
Sandwort
Veronica
Carex

These plants may or may not work, never having made an Indoor Garden before, it’s all trial and error. We also have a tree on order, it’s at the stage where it’s ready to become a bonsai.

The overall idea is to create a rural scene. Originally we were going to have a cottage and all the associated imagery of the countryside. But then we found the derelict house. It’s a Hornby model from the Lydell’s End series, and will fit perfectly.

Now we wait for more soil

The mighty Etch-A-Sketch is a staggering 47 years old this week. That’s a whole ten years older than me (says the venerable blog author, lying about his age again and hoping no-one will notice).

Shana found an online Etch-A-Sketch this morning, which is loads of fun.

Meanwhile, George Vlosich III shows what you can do with Etch-A-Sketch if you really put your mind to it.

We are seriously considering getting a brand new Etch-A-Sketch when we’re in town later this week, and we’re really looking forward to our first few years of perfecting the art of drawing squares and oblongs. Maybe, if we’re really ambitious, we might try triangles. At this rate, we’ll be making George Vlosich III a bit nervous, oh, say in a couple of decades or so.

We recently discovered Planet Rock, which may very well be the UK’s greatest ever radio station. Let’s face it: any station that plays classic rock all day every day has gotta be a good thing.

Ten minutes ago, they played a track from a new Motörhead album: a live version of Bomber. As the track progressed, I turned to Shana and said, in the plummiest BBC accent I could muster:

“In today’s music lesson we are going to learn all about tempo. What I’d like you to do is to repeat the words ‘boom-chick-a-boom-chick’ in time to the current tune. After three: 1-2-3….”

Shana’s effort to keep up with the steady — and relentless — rhythm of this Motörhead classic was a joy to behold; as, also, was the way she turned a deeper and deeper shade of red (or was it crimson?) as the track neared its ear-splitting crescendo.

(Boom-chick-a-boom-chick/ boom-chick-a-boom-chick/ boom-chick-a-boom-chick/boom-chick-a-boom et-bloomin’-cetera.)

I know you’re probably chuckling to yourself while reading this, but really, you ought to try it. Just remember to start on a few slow tunes first and work your way up.

Fortunately, things eased down a bit with the next song, an old Stranglers number. Shana abandoned the exercise when Iron Maiden started. No point in my emailing Planet Rock to request any thrash metal though, I guess.

Today, for a change, I thought we’d have a bit of humour. So here’s Friday’s joke of the day. By the way, just so you know who to blame if you don’t get it, I thought of it all by myself.

A cannibal goes to the doctor.

“Doctor,” he says. “I’m suffering from terrible indigestion.”

“Well, let me see,” says the doctor. “What have you been eating recently?”

“Oh that’s easy,” says the cannibal. “On Monday I ate a man who was wearing a frock. On Tuesday I ate a man in a dress. And on Wednesday I ate a man who was wearing a skirt.”

“There’s your problem then,” says the doctor. “Too many TV dinners.”

(Ahem, it’s the way I tell them.)