Gold
If there’s one problem with having an artistic nature, it’s that you’re never completely satisfied: there’s always something that can be improved or jazzed up a bit.
Shana knows the feeling. Ever since we started decorating our new home she has disliked the radiators, especially the one in the hall, just by the front door. As she rightly points out, a white radiator doesn’t go with our colour scheme. But until today we hadn’t decided what to do about it.
A couple of days ago we put up a shelf over the hall radiator, and this did go some way toward making it a bit less conspicuous. But we still weren’t totally happy, and were thinking of getting some sort of box frame that would hide it altogether.
That was until Tuesday morning’s trip to Wilko’s.
Our original plan had nothing to do with radiators: we were planning to get a mallet and a couple of chisels for a little job elsewhere in the house. But then Shana spotted some tins of radiator paint and we knew it was exactly what we needed. There was just one little snag: it was only available in a sort of silvery chrome colour. Still, better than nothing, we thought; and definitely better than white, we agreed.
We picked up a tin and read the label:
‘Heat resistant to 100°’, it said.
“Hmm,” we hmmed. “That’s about the lowest temperature setting on an oven,” I said. Not that we planned to use any of our radiators for reheating pork chops or any other ovenly duties, come to that. But even so, a mere hundred degrees didn’t seem like much to boast about. And chrome wasn’t the colour we really wanted anyway.
A moment later, at the next shelf, Shana had struck gold. Almost literally, as it turns out.
“Look!” she said.
As requested, I looked. There were loads of tins of metallic spray paint to choose from, including gold, antique gold, and a dozen other colours besides. And a quick glance at the labels showed that this stuff was heat resistant to a sizzling 230°!
So we bought some.
And after lunch Shana masked up (the walls, not herself) and sprayed the hall radiator gold.
“Hell,” I said. “It’s starting to look like King Midas’s palace in here.”
I had to admit though, she had made a good job of it. The radiator looks much more stylish now.
And then Shana went and sprayed the downstairs hall cupboard doorknob gold too. And, incredibly, even that looks quite tasteful, although I couldn’t resist mentioning that if she went round spraying all the doorknobs gold it would look as if we had found the Golden Apples of the Hesperides.
After that, Shana calmed down a bit, put the spray tin away, and went and watched last year’s tennis, which is all the BBC were able to offer, seeing as Wimbledon was rained off yet again.
Frumplingtons mascot, Mint Sauce, by the way, is currently in hiding, fearing he might be next for the goldification treatment, and wondering what to do if he then becomes the lead character in our in-house re-enactment of the Golden Fleece legend. If you’re reading this, Minty, a big sailor called Jason and his crew of Aggronauts are looking for you. Why not be a good little lambkins and just give yourself up pronto?