The Frumplingtons

Well, ok, I admit it. The first part of the title is fact; the second, merely comic phantasy.

It woke us both up though. And it was the biggest earthquake to hit England for around ten years, apparently. The epicentre was only a few miles away, in a place called Market Rasen. (No, I haven’t heard of it either.)

The earthquake did cause our house to shake, though. Fortunately, although Shana is still unnerved by the experience, no harm has befallen the pot dogs in the china cabinet. (Phew!) We phoned the Senior Frumplingtons this morning to see if the earth had moved for them (they live more than 30 miles away), and they said that their bungalow had shaken violently and that the cat had been sick not long afterwards. Other than that, they are unperturbed. However, until they get around to putting some sawdust down, they’re having to be very careful about where they walk.

We went shopping for books at the weekend. Shana picked up a handful of knitting patterns (looks as if I’m getting lots and lots of socks for my birthday this year) and I couldn’t resist adding one extra pattern to the pile. Not that I’m taking up knitting, you understand. At least, not right away, at any rate. I was intrigued by how knitwear used to be marketed once upon a time back in the Cold War era. Surely they wouldn’t use a photo like this nowadays, would they? The man on the right of the photo seems quite oblivious to the situation. Whereas the other two, their faces half in shadow, are clearly intent on some nefarious purpose. Those chunky sweaters say ‘U-boat captain’ to me. The man in front knows the room is bugged. This knitting photoshoot is obviously a cover for something darker. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if there’s a poison-tipped umbrella involved at some stage. Other than that, I’m saying nothing. The security of the country might be at stake.

Zimbabwean president and legendary African tough-guy,Robert Mugabe, is celebrating his 84th birthday this week. Meanwhile, king of showbiz, Bruce Forsyth, is now 80.

Compare and contrast.

According to BBC News, a webcam has been installed at the top of Lincoln Cathedral to allow people to watch a pair of peregrine falcons. A certain Gemma Rogers from the RSPB said they hoped wildlife enthusiasts would be able to watch the birds on its website.

Being a keen twitcher, I’d like nothing better than to sit watching falcons all day. However, as (when I read the story, at any rate) there was no hyperlink on either the BBC, the Lincoln Cathedral website or even the RSPB to the actual location of this webcam, it doesn’t look as if I’ll be taking a gander at it (get it? Nice bit of ornithological wordplay there, eh?) any time soon.

Note: If we do find where the cam is, we’ll put a link up here. On the front page, where our readers can find it. (BBC News, take note!)

Professional photographers take pride in how well they compose their pictures. Time was when they all used film and did their own developing in (get this!) dark rooms. Nowadays though, with an ordinary digital camera and a bit of computer trickery, keen shutterbugs can get great results regardless of their level of experience. Shana and I fall somewhere in between the two extremes. We do enjoy the ease of digital photography but we don’t like to over-tweak an image after we’ve taken it. This morning was a gift though: once we saw how foggy it was, we just had to take a pic of our plants. And, thanks to the weather conditions, we didn’t have to spend half an hour finding the right settings for opaque backgrounds. It was simply a case of point ‘n’ shoot and ‘job done’. I mean, really, why waste time learning the software when you can just wait five minutes for the weather?

Shana had what I have taken to calling a ‘medicament predicament’ this week: she found she was running low on her tablets. For those who don’t know Shana like I know Shana, I should explain: to keep her levels of ecstatic jollity on an even keel she has to take one Quakkaduk capsule six times a day. Only after meals, though.

And so it was in search of READ MORE >>

“Shall we go shopping today?” I asked.

“Well, I suppose we could,” said Shana. “After all, we have run out of cake, haven’t we?”

“Yes, and it’s ages since we last had a walk to Morrisons too,” I said. “I also know how we could save money on our groceries once we get there.

At the mention of savings, Shana’s eyes lit up. “Go on then, tell me how,” she said.

“It’s easy, really,” I said. “All you have to do is remember that it’s always more economical to do your shopping with a basket than with a trolley.” It’s true: I think it has something to do with not being able to cram so many unnecessary impulse purchases (e.g., shower gel, deodorant, toothpaste etc) into a basket and not wasting money as a result.

“Oh, is that so?” said Shana.

“Yes,” I replied. “The average weekly shop should require only about fifteen baskets.”

Shana evidently thought she had found a flaw in my reasoning: “How are we going to carry all those baskets?” she said.

“Easy,” I said. “Put ‘em in a trolley!”

You see? I’m not just a money-saving expert; I’m a Master of Logic too.

The second series of ITV’s Saturday night monster-fest, “Primeval“, is much better than the first. The creatures that emerge from the anomalies are much more frightening and far more realistic this time round. Come to think of it, so is Hannah Spearritt’s acting.

The current series has lots more tension. For example, last week Spearritt’s character, Abby, was dragged into a canal by an urban version of the Loch Ness monster. There was an agonising ten minutes where we didn’t know if she would escape. In the event, plucky Abby survived her ordeal with hardly a hair out of place.

This week’s episode was much more emotional though. I mean, it’s one thing to put the human characters in danger. But poor old Rex really doesn’t deserve to be having such a tough time. Last week, he was put in the fridge by Connor’s girlfriend, Caroline; this week, the last we saw of him, he was lying stunned on the floor, while Caroline stood over him ready, we assume, to strike the fatal blow. Our prayers (natch) are with Rex; everyone else can take care of themselves. Can this programme possibly get any more addictive?

By the way, Primeval fans take note: a third series of Primeval is planned for 2009.