The Frumplingtons

When we moved here, about a year ago, we thought it would be a good idea to grow lots of indoor plants. The pretty colours, the foliage and the pleasant fragrances would make our house a delightful place to be, we thought.

Eventually, we had to get rid of the houseplants. The plants themselves were nice enough; we just couldn’t stand the little gnats that seemed to like hovering around them (and the rest of the house).

One thing we did keep, though, was a rustic frog. He’s green and wears a checked shirt, a straw hat and a goofy expression. He’s attached to a pointed stick and was, for a time, planted into the soil alongside one of our spider plants. He now lives in a pot with a faux floral decoration on the kitchen windowsill. Somehow, this afternoon, the light caught him just right (quite an achievement, considering he lives on a north-facing sill) and cast this shadow over the kitchen door.

The position he is standing in, seems to be the semaphore sign for the letter ‘L’. You have to wonder if the frog is trying to communicate with the outside world; if so, what the ‘L’ is he trying to say?

On the other hand, maybe there’s a simpler explanation: perhaps he just fancies himself as some kind of batrachian version of Saturday Night Fever-era John Travolta. Altogether now: “ah-ah-ah-ah-stayin’ alive, stayin’ alive, ah-ah-ah-ah, rivet rivet rivet…”

We finished another jigsaw puzzle last night. This one only took us about a week. I should point out, though, that when I say ‘week’, what I really mean is one of those ten-day ‘weeks’ they used to have in the French Revolutionary calendar.

Our latest puzzle was “Bears’ Tea Party”. The original photo was taken by Dutch photographer Mirja de Vries. Peer closely at the picture and see if you can count how many bears are in the picture.

I counted 43 bears. Although it could have been 42. There might also be a few more hiding behind the sofa and one or two under the table as well; you know how sneaky bears can be sometimes. Even after we dismantled the puzzle and put it back in the box, I’d swear there were bears trying to get out again.

In the end, though, bears couldn’t manage without us humans. Just imagine what a mess they’d make, with their big clumsy paws, if they’d tried doing this jigsaw puzzle without our help. There’d've been pieces everywhere.

By the way, if you think you recognize that bear in the green bow tie, well, he’s been on this blog before. It’s the one and only Mister Marmaduke, no less. He’s just down for the day, helping out with a bit of modelling. What’s that, Marmaduke? Did we get your best side? Yes, I believe we did.

It snowed here overnight. Shana was overjoyed to see it this morning. (Shana likes snow.)

“There must be at least two inches,” she said. Shana was even more pleased to hear the decision I’d made, though:

“Change of plan,” I said. “We won’t be mowing the lawn this morning.”

“Well, thank goodness for that,” said Shana.

“By the way, ” I said. “What colour is our back lawn?”

“Green!” Shana said.

“Dang!” I thought. I had been hoping Shana would fall straight into my fiendish logic trap and reply, ‘White’. To which I would then have explained that, no, the lawn was still green and that it was actually the covering layer of snow which was white. Shana, however, is quite brainy. There’s only one thing for it then: I’ll have to try my trick question on the Senior Frumplingtons instead.

Gotta go! Phone call to make…

We have written before (on several occasions) about the way Christmas seems to go on forever. This year, the festivities have gotten underway early: yesterday, on Good Friday, UK channel ITV3 showed, appropriately enough, “Jesus Christ Superstar”. Whereas ITV2 chose a different path. Their idea of traditional Easter fare was “The Grinch”! We’ve decided to hedge our bets this year: we’ll be eating Easter eggs while wearing Santa hats. (Hint: or we would be — if we’d remembered to buy an Easter egg this year.)

Spotted earlier today on a comment form somewhere on the Web, this is one frame from an animated advert for one of those ‘find lost friends’ sites. And no, I won’t embarrass them by naming them; they might send some of their budies round to get me.

They say you’re never too old to own a Barbie doll, and Shana is living proof of that fact. Because this morning, at the tender age of 39 plus VAT, Shana bought her first ever (I repeat, first ever) Barbie.

It only cost a pound, from one of those High Street chattery shops. My, but Shana is one hell of a bargain hunter, isn’t she?

Being the crafty type, Shana did have a good reason for buying her Barbie. “I’ll probably make some little outfits for it,” she said.

When we got the doll home, Shana checked to make sure it was a genuine Barbie, and it was. It was, apparently, stamped as having been made in 1998, and, although it had lost one of its earrings and looked as if someone had been practising kamikaze hairdressing on it, it did seem to be in remarkably good shape.

“These dolls are always worth more if they’re in their original boxes though, aren’t they?” I said. Shana agreed.

Her hair looked as if someone had been practising kamikaze hairdressing on it

“I think I have just what Barbie needs, though,” I said. “I’ll get one of those boxes that our artificial plants arrived in.” As luck would have it, the boxes were still lying on the table, opened only ten minutes earlier.

In some ways, the boxes that we used to rehouse Barbie do make it look as if she’s fallen on hard times and had to move to Cardboard City. On the other hand, Barbie beggars can’t be choosers, and our boxes are just the right size for single occupants in need of emergency social housing.

We showed cheapo Barbie her new gaff. As she bent to peer inside we heard a plasticy squeak. “Sounds like the old gal’s got a bit of arthritis,” I said. “That Ken really hasn’t been looking after her, has he?”

She’ll be all right now she’s been rescued by the Frumplingtons, though. She can have lots of pampering from now on. And perhaps a change of style too. Something to make her really stand out from the crowd. I’m thinking ‘blue rinse’, but I’m not sure if Shana would be quite so keen on the idea. I might suggest it later.

See more of our Barbie photos here.

Shana’s busy doing crafts again. I’m not exactly sure what she’s making at the moment, but I do know it’s some kind of humanoid figure.

Shana always likes to surprise me with a finished item rather than showing me all the various different stages of the creative process. As a result, I don’t often get to see the ‘innards’ of these things. Today, however, is different. Here we can see, even though the photo is a bit grainy, a ‘hidden camera’ shot of Shana’s latest project. It seems, as far as I can tell, to be made of what Shana (and lots of other keen crafters, come to that) likes to call ‘chenille stems’. Frankly, they look more like pipe cleaners to me. Of course, as Shana doesn’t smoke a pipe any more, I suppose they can’t be pipe cleaners; so, ‘chenille stems’ it is, then (even if the name does sound a bit lah-de-dah).

I’m more intrigued by the fact that this chenille stem person appears to be wrapped in bandages. Can it be that Shana is making one of those ancient Egyptian mummies? Time will tell, I guess. But at the moment, it all looks more like a pipe cleaner version of “Alien Autopsy” than anything else. I wonder what planet it’s meant to be from?

Hang on. It is Tuesday!

Well, thanks a lot, Dave (that’s TV channel, Dave, in case you’re wondering) for confusing us all with tonight’s offering: “Friday Night With Jonathan Ross“.

Jigsaw puzzles were never one of my favourite pastimes. I’ve just never had the patience or the eye for detail to bother spending time doing them. And up until last year, the biggest puzzle I’d ever done was a woodland scene consisting of about 24 puzzle pieces. Large pieces on relatively thick card. (Well, I was about ten years old at the time.)

Last Christmas though, my brother bought us a jigsaw puzzle (a 250-piece puzzle) of the High Bridge in Lincoln. A bit ‘coals to Newcastle’ perhaps, but it’s the thought that counts, isn’t it?

(Yep, of course it is.)

And Shana and I completed the puzzle while waiting for Christmas lunch to cook. (As you can probably deduce, we like our food well done; very well done.)

We both enjoyed doing the puzzle though. And when the chazzer shops reopened in the New Year, we dashed out and bought a stack more puzzles. 1000-piece affairs, to be exact.

And this week, just two and a half months later, we’ve just finished the first one. We did only start it three days ago though; even we aren’t that slow. For any art connoisseurs who want the details, the picture is called ‘Summertime’ and was originally painted by Austrian-born artist, Rosina Wachtmeister.

Quote of the Week:

Never pick an argument with a man who’s wearing slippers. You know why? Because there’s no way he’s gonna back down or run away. Have you ever tried running in slippers? It’s just not an option. Can’t be done. No, that guy’s gonna stay right where he is and he’s gonna fight you. So if you do pick an argument with a guy in slippers, you better make sure you win. ‘Cos there ain’t gonna be nothin’ more embarrassing than gettin’ hit by a man in slippers, let me tell you that!

Billy Suggers, Fighting Tales [2008]