The Frumplingtons

From the “What’s on TV” listings weekly, 12-18 April issue, page 39, comes this ad for “Thomas Kinkade’s Wonderland Express Christmas Tree”. It’s a whisker under a hundred quid, payable in four instalments, and is quite something, judging by the number of exclamation marks used in the ad copy, e.g. “All aboard for the merriest Christmas ever!” and, “Santa & his reindeer really ‘fly’ round and round!”

You want features? It’s got features: “…four levels of rotating movement, 12 illuminated buildings and over 30 handcrafted figurines including Santa and his reindeer…”

And if exclamation marks ain’t enough, there are block capitals too. Check this out:

PLUS, IT LIGHTS UP, AND PLAYS MUSIC!

Gee, any minute now I think I’m gonna go dizzy…

(It’s already on my wish list though.)

[The latest in our ongoing series of posts about Britain’s never-ending Christmas. For the story so far, go here and here. And may Santa have mercy on your soul…]

I don’t want to make too big an issue of this, but today’s date is 7th April.

The 7th of bleedin’ April, for folk’s sake!

And what was dear old UKTV Gold showing earlier this evening?

Yes, you guessed it (or maybe you didn’t): the 2004 Christmas episode of “My Family”. And here’s the listings screenshot to prove it:

Dang! Why didn’t somebody tell me it was Christmas already? We haven’t even got a single pack of Eat Me dates in the house!

We have written before (on several occasions) about the way Christmas seems to go on forever. This year, the festivities have gotten underway early: yesterday, on Good Friday, UK channel ITV3 showed, appropriately enough, “Jesus Christ Superstar”. Whereas ITV2 chose a different path. Their idea of traditional Easter fare was “The Grinch”! We’ve decided to hedge our bets this year: we’ll be eating Easter eggs while wearing Santa hats. (Hint: or we would be — if we’d remembered to buy an Easter egg this year.)

It’s official: there is no escape from Christmas.

Ever.

For most of this year, we have been documenting the ways Christmas tends to appear at the most unexpected and unseasonal times, making us feel more than a little uncomfortable. You know how, on Bank Holiday Mondays, sometimes you catch yourself thinking it’s still Sunday and READ MORE >>

First the good news: this week we have at last had a proper digital telly aerial fitted, so we now have all the digitals channels available to us. This means we need struggle no more with our trusty little indoor antenna (Wilko’s, £4.99 inc VAT). Or, to be more precise, there is no need for Shana to stand on one leg on an old Windsor chair behind the television set holding the indoor ‘twig’ at arm’s length in order to ensure crystal clear reception, while I lounge on the sofa watching the telly in relative comfort and summarise the goings-on in this week’s episode of House or CSI so Shana can keep up to speed with the plot.

And now the bad news: the first thing we actually saw when we went digital was a programme on the shopping channel, QVC . What were they trying to sell yesterday? Santa’s Toyland, that’s what! The entire studio was filled with Christmas trees and festive paraphernalia.

Erm…it’s still pigging July for goodness’ sake!

No need to ask what I think about it really, is there?

All I want to know is, Will the world’s constant obsession with Christmas ever end?